Episode Guide (Series 7)
This guide is copyright material. No unauthorised reproduction is permitted
1: Perfect Day (26 Feb 98)
Jenny thinks she's received her A-level results, then finds that it's just one of David's practical jokes. She gets her own back and David ends up with bright green hair. Now they've stopped talking to one another.
Ben goes out and buys a new car - a replica of FAB 1, Lady Penelope's car from "Thunderbirds". Bill is disgusted, especially when she learns that he's used their holiday money to buy the car. Now he's "in the doghouse" and Bill has stopped talking to him.
Rona is expecting a visit from an old schoolfriend. Since she'll be late home, she asks Bill to look after her visitor. When a woman appears at the Porters' house, Bill thinks it's Rona's friend and invites her in. She witnesses a major family row. Later, Bill discovers that Rona's friend couldn't make it. The women who actually did turn up was from Social Services - she had called to "vet" Rona as a possible adoptive parent.
Later, Rona is told that she's probably too old to adopt a child. Jenny finds her real A-level results in the dog's bed. She's done well enough to be able to go to university.
Also Appearing:
Barbara Horne (Mary Stephenson)
Written by:
Andrew Marshall
2: When Saturday Comes (5 Mar 98)
Ben and David are depressed because the football team they support (Tottenham Hotspur) are doing badly. They've lost 11 games in a row and they must win the last three games of the season to avoid relegation to a lower division.
The first of the three 'crucial' Saturdays arrives. Jenny and Clive have decided to split up because she's off to university. They're spending their last day together. Ben decides that he needs to wear his "lucky" underpants to help Spurs to win. Unfortunately, Bill has given them away to a charity shop in a bag of old clothes. She and Rona go to the charity shop, where Bill is propositioned by an old age pensioner, but the underpants aren't there.
The team win 5-0 in spite of Ben's lack of "lucky pants". He decides that one of them must have done something to bring the team luck. The following Saturday, he insists that everyone does exactly what they did on the previous Saturday. Jenny has to persuade Clive to come around so that they can repeat their "final" day together. Bill and Rona have to return to the charity shop. Spurs win 5-1, so Ben decides that he was right about "the luck". He wants everyone to 'repeat the day' again on the following Saturday. He reveals that he's bet some Manchester United supporters that Spurs won't be relegated. If he loses, the family (and Rona) will have to dress up as the Spice Girls and dance in the local shopping precinct.
The third and final Saturday comes. Bill and Ben oversleep, so everyone has to rush around repeating the previous Saturday's activities at high speed. All goes well until Clive decides that he doesn't want to split up with Jenny after all.
Spurs lose, so everyone has to dress up as the Spice Girls and make idiots of themselves.
Also Appearing:
Georgina Beer (Mrs. Bolting), Richard Davies (Jack), Victoria MacFarlane (Mother), Nathan Valente (Clive)
Written by:
Andrew Marshall
3: Malcolm X (12 Mar 98)
Bill has a visit from an old boyfriend, Malcolm, who is now a big name in Hollywood. Later, he rings her at work and asks her to go with him to Scotland for the weekend. She's feeling 'hard done by' at home, so she's tempted. Next day, Ben and the family upset her, so she goes to Scotland with Malcolm.
Rona tells Ben that Bill is staying with an old schoolfriend. There's no food in the house, so Ben persuades Rona to do the shopping. To stop him from trying to ring Bill, she also offers to do the cooking.
Ben is watching a golf tournament, being held in Scotland, when he sees Bill and Malcolm in a crowd of spectators. David uses the Internet to find out where his mother is staying. That night, Ben has nightmares about Bill having sex with Malcolm. He tries to ring Bill at the hotel, but there's no answer from her room. He drives to Scotland to confront her. When he arrives, he headbutts Malcolm and knocks him down. Malcolm's wife arrives unexpectedly, punches him and knocks him down again. Bill is angry because he hadn't told her he was married, so she knocks him into a fountain.
Also Appearing:
William Petrie (Waiter), Margot Steinberg (Harriet), Danny Webb (Malcolm)
Written by:
Paul Smith
4: The Sweet Hereafter (19 Mar 98)
Ben is wandering through the local shopping precinct when he's approached by a woman conducting market research. She decides the Porter family is "completely average" and gives Ben a box of trial products for the family to evaluate.
The cheesy nuts, alcocrisps and pigs trotter puffs don't go down particularly well, but Ben, Jenny and David really like the "Drool" bars. They like them so much that they can't stop eating them. Bill, who doesn't indulge, wonders why they're suddenly so cheerful.
Next morning, nobody feels like eating breakfast. Almost all of the box of "Drool" bars have been eaten during the night. There are only six bars left, so Bill shares them out equally.
When all of the bars have gone, Ben, David and Jenny begin to suffer withdrawal symptoms. Next morning, they go down to the shopping precinct to see if they can get the market research lady to give them some more "Drool" bars. She says that the bars have been withdrawn by the manufacturers because they turned out to be "psychologically addictive". They return home and find Rona ransacking their house, looking for a "Drool" bar.
Also Appearing:
Ursula Mohan (Market Researcher)
Written by:
Paul Alexander & Simon Braithwaite
5: When Did You Last See Your Father? (26 Mar 98)
Bill's mother reveals that her husband wasn't cremated when he died. She had him put in cold storage. Now the cryogenic storage company has gone out of business and a new "home" must be found for Bill's father.
Also Appearing:
Robert Angell (Security Man), Linford Brown (Security Man), Sophie Walker (Maxine)
Written by:
Andrew Marshall
6: The Italian Job (2 Apr 98)
An Italian student comes to stay in the Porter household. His presence proves to be more than a little disruptive. Apparently he has a famous father - or should that be godfather?
Also Appearing:
Jonathan Burn (Restaurant Manager), Gerard Doyle (Cabbie), Bart Ruspoli (Fabrizio),
Sophie Walker (Maxine)
Written by:
Paul Smith
7: The Heart Has Its Reasons (9 Apr 98)
Bill and Ben take Jenny off to university. Ben catches a young thief trying to steal from his van. The young lad ends up as an unexpected house guest.
Also Appearing:
Felicity Goodson (Kirsty's Mother), Neil Henry (Student), James Lance (Keith),
Mitchell Ray (Declan), Mari-Claire Turley (Kirsty)
Written by:
Andrew Marshall