Episode Guide (Series 5)
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1: Desperate Doings In The Dungeon (3 Sep 88)
Herr Flick is still imprisoned in the dungeon of General Von Klinkerhoffen's chateau. Various schemes to rescue him are devised. One involves Rene going to the chateau disguised as Heinrich Himmler. When this plan is put into action, Rene ends up dressed in a woman's underwear, chained to the wall of the dungeon.
2: The Camera In The Potato (10 Sep 88)
Gruber, disguised as a Gestapo officer, rescues Rene from Von Klinkerhoffen's chateau.
Michelle arrives at the cafe with the spy camera, which is hidden in a potato. Rene is told to smuggle the camera into the chateau to photograph the safe containing the invasion plans. Monsieur Le Clerc will then use the photographs to devise a way of opening the safe.
Rene gets into the chateau but ends up in Lieutenant Gruber's room by mistake. Gruber invites him to stay. An air raid starts and Gruber hides in his wardrobe. Rene slips out, finds the safe, photographs it and manages to get out of the chateau.
Herr Flick arrests Helga and starts to interrogates her about a plot to assassinate Hitler.
3: Dinner With The General (17 Sep 88)
Herr Flick fails to get any useful information out of Helga, so he has to release her.
General Von Klinkerhoffen takes a fancy to Helga and orders the Colonel to arrange an intimate dinner so that he can get to know her better. Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen disguise themselves as musicians so that they can eavesdrop during the meal.
Rene and Monsieur Le Clerc break into the chateau disguised as firemen and make their way to Lieutenant Gruber's room. Edith and Yvette are up on the roof. They're supposed to drop a smoke bomb down Gruber's chimney but they drop it down General Von Klinkerhoffen's chimney by mistake. Rene bursts into Gruber's room dressed as a fireman, only to find Gruber already there.
4: The Dreaded Circular Saw (24 Sep 88)
Rene and Monsieur Le Clerc break into the safe in Lieutenant Gruber's room. The safe doesn't contain any invasion plans. Instead they find the originals of the Van Clomp and Van Gogh paintings.
Rene and Monsieur Le Clerc escape from the chateau disguised as German officers, but are kidnapped by the Communist Resistance and strapped to the saw in a local sawmill.
Back at the Cafe, Edith, Yvette and Mimi light candles in memory of Rene. Mimi's candle is much bigger than the other two, for some reason. Edith steals Lieutenant Gruber's 'little tank' and sets off to rescue Rene, but crashes into the public convenience in the town square.
Herr Flick orders Helga to get friendly with Lieutenant Gruber to find out if he's part of the plot to blow up Hitler.
5: Otherwise Engaged (1 Oct 88)
Denise Laroque, the leader of the local Communist Resistance, realises that Rene is her long lost childhood sweetheart. She has him released on condition that he agrees to marry her.
The airmen have become tired of the repeated failure of the plans for their escape, so they decide to surrender to the Germans. Their attempts at surrender fail miserably.
6: A Marriage Of Inconvenience (8 Oct 88)
Edith plans to remarry Rene so that he can't be forced to marry Denise Laroque.
Michelle traps Denise in an abandoned mineshaft so that Edith can take her place at the wedding ceremony. As the ceremony begins, Rene thinks he's actually marrying Denise.
Meanwhile, Yvette and Mimi have arranged for Officer Crabtree to take the place of the priest, so that the wedding won't be legal.
7: No Hiding Place (15 Oct 88)
Denise Laroque escapes from the mineshaft and leads her Communist Resistance fighters in an attack on the Cafe Rene. The staff pretend that Rene is dead so that he can go into hiding disguised as his own father. Colonel Von Strohm orders Helga to find Rene and protect him, since he's the only person who knows where the original paintings are hidden. The Communist Resistance recapture Rene. Denise decides that he wasn't responsible for the wedding fiasco. She announces her intention to kill Edith, Yvette and Mimi instead.
8: The Arrival Of The Homing Duck (22 Oct 88)
Edith, learning that Denise Laroque plans to kill her, resorts to various disguises.
Colonel Von Strohm plans to send the Italians to attack the headquarters of the Communist Resistance so that he and Helga can recover the paintings.
A group of Generals is due to attend a meeting at the chateau to discuss plans for the invasion of England. Michelle arranges for Rene to do the catering. He's told to photograph the plans and send the film to London strapped to the leg of a 'long distance duck'.
9: Watch The Birdie (29 Oct 88)
It's the day of the Generals' conference. The long distance duck is let loose and Captain Bertorelli shoots it.
A French General stops off at the Cafe on his way to the chateau and gets paralysed by Mimi. Officer Crabtree takes his place.
At the conference, the Generals eat some 'mints' which are actually 'foam at the mouth' pills. In the ensuing confusion, Rene manages to photograph a map of the planned invasion.
10: Rene Under An Assumed Nose (5 Nov 88)
The long distance duck is recovered. It was only stunned when Captain Bertorelli shot it.
The photograph Rene took of the invasion map was useless. He decides to leave the Resistance. Michelle tries to dissuade him by telling him she's madly in love with him.
Lieutenant Gruber is ordered to arrest Rene for the attempted poisoning of the Generals. Rene disguises himself as the French General in an attempt to escape the threatened firing squad. Monsieur Le Clerc makes him a false nose using plastic explosive by mistake. The nose is accidentally ignited. Rene throws it out of the window and it blows up Herr Flick.
11: The Confusion Of The Generals (12 Nov 88)
The Germans now suspect the French General of trying to poison the German Generals, so Rene is reprieved. Herr Flick is in traction after being blown up when Rene's false nose exploded. The paralysed French General is left outside the cafe so that the German can arrest him.
General Von Klinkerhoffen plans to continue the Generals' Conference with local peasants disguised as German Generals at the chateau and the real Generals disguised as peasants in the Cafe Rene. He thinks that the Resistance will blow up the peasants, thinking that they're the real Generals.
Michelle arrives at the cafe to say that a group of British airmen, disguised as onion sellers, will arrive shortly. The German Generals also arrive dressed as onion sellers. There's an air raid and, in the confusion, the wrong group of onion sellers is sent off to England.
12: Who's For The Vatican (19 Nov 88)
Luckily for Rene, the German Generals end up in Berlin rather than England.
Colonel Von Strohm and Lieutenant Gruber tell Rene that he must recover the paintings from the Communist Resistance headquarters. Rene disguises himself as a Franciscan vicar and sets off with Mimi in the pram, disguised as a baby. Meanwhile, Helga is also heading for the headquarters disguised as a nurse, pushing Herr Flick, disguised as a baby, in another pram.
The Italians storm the headquarters and are captured by the Communist Resiistance. Rene manages to recover the paintings but is caught by Denise Laroque and her Communist Resistance.
13: Ribbing The Bonk (26 Nov 88)
Rene, Mimi, Monsieur Le Clerc, Lieutenant Gruber, Colonel Von Strohm and the Italian soldiers are being held prisoner by the Communist Resistance. Rene and Le Clerc are released so that they can go and collect a million Franc ransom for the release of the Germans and Italians. General Von Klinkerhoffen won't pay the ransom, so Rene and company decide to rob the local bank. They end up trapped in the strongroom and have to blow their way out.
14: The Reluctant Millionaires (3 Dec 88)
It's revealed that the money which Rene and his staff stole from the bank is forged and belongs to the Gestapo. Mimi and the Germans have managed to escape. Denise and Louise of the Communist Resistance are on the run. They end up hiding in the Cafe Rene.
15: A Duck For Launch (10 Dec 88)
Herr Flick's uncle, Heinrich Himmler, orders him to recover the forged money which Rene and company stole from the bank. Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen disguise themselves as fishmongers to see if anyone is trying to spend forged money.
Michelle has spent some of the money on a trip to the hairdressers and Monsieur Alphonse has been given it in his change. The remainder has been divided up between Colonel Von Strohm, Lieutenant Gruber, Captain Bertorelli and Helga. Monsieur Alphonse is arrested when he spends some of the forged banknotes.
The long distance duck is sent off on its journey to England.
16: The Exploding Bedpan (17 Dec 88)
Monsieur Alphonse is being interrogated by the Gestapo about the forged money. Colonel Von Strohm and Lieutenant Gruber are afraid that they'll be implicated in the theft of the money, so they plan to have Monsieur Alphonse poisoned before he talks. He has a heart attack and is sent to the hospital.
Rene pretends to have food poisoning so that he can get into the hospital as part of a plan to recue Monsieur Alphonse.
17: Going Like A Bomb (24 Dec 88)
Rene escapes from the hospital and makes his way back to the cafe. Herr Flick sends Von Smallhausen undercover to the hospital mortuary to look for the Gestapo money. Meanwhile Helga has discovered that the money is forged. It's stuffed down Captain Bertorelli's trousers so that he can take it back to the cafe. Colonel Von Strohm tells Herr Flick that the money is down the trousers of a man with feathers in his hat. Captain Bertorelli makes it into the cafe before Herr Flick arrives.
Michelle reveals a new plan for the British airmen to escape in giant landmines, which will be dropped over England. Monsieur Le Clerc brings parachutes for the airmen, wearing a hat with feathers in it, and is arrested by Herr Flick.
18: Money To Burn (31 Dec 88)
Herr Flick plans to have Monsieur Le Clerc executed unless the Gestapo money is returned. Unfortunately, the money was hidden in the oven at the cafe until Fanny decided to do some cooking. Rene tries to get London to send some more forged money, but there's a cockup and the money from the British plane ends up falling all over Nouvion.
19: Puddings Can Go Off (7 Jan 89)
The explosive from the landmines is delivered to the Cafe Rene, disguised as 500 Christmas puddings. The airmen are busy practising unscrewing the covers of the landmines from inside, so they'll be able to escape and use their parachutes before the landmines hit the ground.
Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen disguise themselves as monks and hide in a church bell tower so that they can keep the cafe under observation. A large bell lands on top of Von Smallhausen.
20: Landmines For London (14 Jan 89)
Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen are hiding inside the landmines. The Germans recover the mines, take them back to the airbase. Later they're loaded into a plane and dropped over England, with Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen still inside.
21: Flight To Geneva (21 Jan 89)
The latest escape plan for the British airmen involves them sitting astride a midget submarine wearing diving helmets.
Rene plans to elope with Yvette and the paintings. Before he can leave, Helga arrives and forces him to go with her to the chateau. Colonel Von Strohm insists on taking the paintings from Rene.
Herr Flick discovers that General Von Klinkerhoffen has sold the paintings for a fortune in gold bars. The gold is stored in the safe at the police station. Rene steals it. He leaves notes for Edith and Yvette with Monsieur Le Clerc, who mixes them up.
Rene ends up on the express train to Geneva with Edith. Yvette, Mimi, Colonel Von Strohm, Lieutenant Gruber, Helga, Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen are also on the train.
22: Train of Events (28 Jan 89)
The Resistance blows up the train using some of the exploding Christmas puddings. Everyone makes their way back to Nouvion.
Rene still has General Von Kninkerhoffen's gold. The General doesn't know it's missing because Officer Crabtree has gummed up the lock on the safe.
Lieutenant Gruber is ordered to collect the safe in his 'little tank' and take it to the General's chateau. The General has also taken the statue containing the real paintings from the Colonel Von Strohm's office.
Rene tries to blow open the safe using one of the exploding Christmas Puddings. He manages to blow up Gruber's 'little tank', along with Captain Bertorelli.
23: An Enigma Variation (4 Feb 89)
General von Klinkerhoffen has recovered most of his gold from Gruber's tank. Rene still has four bars, which he melts down and makes into a new weight for the cuckoo clock in the cafe.
Colonel Von Strohm and Lieutenant Gruber offer Rene a deal - they won't look for the missing gold if Rene recovers their statue from the General's chateau.
The Excelsior Quartet, a group of musicians hired to play at the chateau, are detained so that Rene and company can take their place. They manage to recover the contents of the statue.
British Intelligence want the Resistance to steal the Enigma encoding machine from the Germans. Mimi hides in the case of a double bass so that she can steal the Enigma machine from the chateau.
24: Wedding Bloss (11 Feb 89)
Edith announces that she'll marry Monsieur Alphonse unless Rene agrees to remarry her. Afraid of losing the cafe, Rene reluctantly agrees. Monsieur Alphonse, as Deputy Mayor, will have to perform the ceremony. Rene returns the paintings to Colonel Von Strohm and Lieutenant Gruber.
The wedding ceremony is held, but Monsieur Alphonse has problems officiating. Captain Bertorelli brings along a surprise to the ceremony - Christmas puddings.
Written by: John Chapman and Ian Davidson
25: Down The Drain (18 Feb 89)
The Enigma machine is to be smuggled to England in the midget submarine. Rene is told to put the machine into a wine barrel and drop it into the sewer. At a certain time, everyone in Nouvion will flush their toilet and the resulting surge of water will send the wine barrel along the sewer to the submarine.
The British lay on an air raid as a diversion, but they manage to baomb the pumping station by mistake, so there's no water to flush the toilets with.
It's discovered that Monsieur Le Clerc has put the wrong box in the wine barrel. The Enigma machine is still hidden in the cafe.
Written by: Ronald Wolfe and Ronald Chesney
26: All In Disgeese (25 Feb 89)
British Intelligence sends experts, disguised as policemen, to examine the Enigma machine. General Von Klinkerhoffen announces that Rene will be shot if the machine isn't handed back to the Germans. Herr Flick arrests Edith, Yvette, and Mimi and uses a truth serum on them. This makes Mimi act rather strangely.